The Great Unknown/Countdown to Baby 2

August 20

I wore PJs all day. I had a giant soup bowl of chocolate ice cream for lunch, went to happy hour with the family and will have a second baby in exactly a month. My own t-shirts don't fit anymore. My food sits at the top of my throat and I toss around at night with a pillow in front and one in back.  I pee 8-15 times a night, it feels like. I have daily pelvic and lower back pains. My 18 month old daughter still likes to sit in what's left of my lap and jump on my belly. Sometimes I hold her for a nap where she still fits perfectly even though her brother tries to kick her off. She sleeps right through it. During those naps, I am amazed I get to hold both my children at once. 

Recent nap time

In a month I will go from barley getting the hang of one child before I am learning another. A month before I am balancing the 2 of them and the other glass balls I juggle - maintaining relationships, household chores, making meals, staying married...

If all goes according to plan, I will go from 1 child to 2 children. I will join the ranks of people who are responsible for 2 young lives. Somehow this change feels monumental, almost more profound than becoming a first-time parent with all its unknowns. At least this time I have some idea of what to expect. Perhaps it's because I am still learning this ever-changing and growing first child that I feel like adding another is a bigger deal. I knew I wanted to have children close together so I have been paying close attention to (and asking questions of) my friends who have more than 1 child.  What I want to hear is that I can do it.  I want to gather enough stories to feed my confidence. I am trying to acquire the collective know-how to fill me, somehow, and imbue me with the ability to step confidently into this newish role. 

In a month, I will go from not knowing to knowing. In a matter of moments. That's amazing to me. To acquire this knowledge that many have experienced feels like being inducted into a club. I imagine when you have more than 2 children, that's a different club as well.  Each addition a whole new experience for all involved. Not only will I be changed, but my daughter will know a new way of daily life as well. Every dynamic we currently have will be upset and we will fall into a new rhythm. I'm hoping less "falling" more "transitioning" but let's be honest, it's about to be a madhouse for a little while! On my best day I feel like I am barely making it as a parent. I look with admiration and envy at some mothers who seem to be born to do this motherhood thing with grace and beauty (how do y'all look so good most to all of the time?). To be honest, I am hoping to just survive.  Anything above that will be a bonus. I will need my village to get me through as they have before. I am open to the help and collective wisdom of those who have gone before. Not many things come easily to me and this is one of them. I want to press into the newness with excitement instead of trepidation. The next month will be one of intentional reflection and positive anticipation.  Let the countdown begin!


Popular Posts